Mix Tapes

I remember the first one ever given to me. It was remarkable. Filled with an amusing mix of old mushy pop punk and the occasional love song by mazzy star. I would play it every night before i fell asleep. I wanted the last thought in my head to be about the person who made me that tape. That was 13 years ago now. I still remember the feeling it gave me. So much uncertainty of love and hope. Those songs were his way of saying what he felt in his heart. I never would have imagined things to turn out his way. I was such a different girl back then. So uneducated in the art of love. So selfish and self absorbed. I believed in fairytale love. I had huge expectations. They seem so unrealistic now, so petty. I guess as i grew older my heart became much more a part of me and less like a story. My love is strong now, whole to me. I dreamed for years to someday experience real love, that all consuming love, the kind they sing about. Now I do. I don't NEED to hear the words every time i leave a room. I know it is there. I know now what I once needed constant reassurance of. I think about that mix tape now. How it started it all, how it has made my love real. He is as big a part of me now as all of my mile stones. He is my partner in life. There is not a thing about him I wouldn't miss. I find myself feeling over whelmed with joy as i think about our journey together. He was my first love and will be my last love. I am certain he is my soul mate, my mix tape maker after all these years.