A year in a summary

   Hey here I am, a year or so later. It's the tail end of winter again and that seems to be when I blog the most. It's hard to sum up an entire year in one post so I'll just break it down in bullets, I love bullets.

• Kids are good. Big and thriving. The eldest is a skateboard nut just like his dad. He is teetering on the verge of manhood and is learning the fine art of avoiding his annoying parents. The youngest is a sports guy and artist, kinda like me. He Is very close to becoming a teen, yet still hugs me all the time and isn't afraid to cry still. I'm treasuring these little things for i know I they are fleeting.

• The Job. I got one this year. Well a different one than our family business. It was for a fishing rod manufacturing company wrapping fishing rods at home. When I started this job I imagined it being a relaxing, slow paced, easy job. Training was great. Having craft experience helped a lot. I flew through it and found myself working at home after 2 weeks. That's when trouble started. I began to get lonely and bored. 10 hour days in a room alone was taking it's toll. It was not slow paced. They wanted me to do more, faster, and more after that. There was so much pressure and no time for life anymore. So I went back to work with the hub. (The hub will desperately miss the employee discount)

• Changes. My best friend moved to eastern washington. She lives in a quaint little mountain town now and has began a new adventure. Her moving was really rough at first. I missed her terribly and wallowed a bit in my own self pity. I'm okay now, we talk all the time and will see each other soon. Things didn't change as much as I had feared. :)

 So all an all it's been an eventful year. We have our health, our home, and our happiness. I'm back to working out, blogging, and other adventures in becoming a better person. Cheers ♥

A birthday

Today is a soft spot on my patchwork heart. It's the birthday of a great love, Dennis. It's always been my style to get over my past as soon as possible, but I'm finding myself taking comfort in remembrance now a days. See Dennis died 8 years ago in the spring, so with the growth of everything around me my heart is always heavy this time of year. He was such a great guy, a great husband. He had a smile that you couldn't help but smile back at. He was a joyous person and had a way of making you feel adored. I love him dearly and always will. He taught me so much about myself. He taught me to grow up, and become a strong woman, Without him. It was what I needed in order to raise my boys, his boy. I spent a long time regretting some of the decisions I had made in those times. I like to think he would understand and be proud of who I've become. So this year on his Birthday I'm making a mens. I am going to stop regretting and enjoy my memories of him. He is part of me and worth celebrating.  Happy Birthday Babe!

The Tree

Today I was inspired. Not by the sun, not by music, but by a dear family member. I have a pretty big family, especially with all the people who I have chosen to be my family. So I'm usually pretty content with sharing my thoughts and speaking my mind. That's how family works right? But lately I've been pushed out of the very big loop. I am finding avoidance in tone, and lack of normal conversation. Now I expect this from certain people, as it varies with moods. But it's led me to ponder once again. Has my need to be honest and speak my mind done more harm than good? Have I judged without right? I can't wrap my mind around it. If I hold my feelings back I torture myself. I lose sleep, obsess, and let it effect my immediate family. If i spill my guts I get cold shoulders and awkwardness. I think i need to figure out a way to delicately conceal and deliver just a tiny little package of guts. Haha... So I do less damage to both sides.
I worry that these issues might alter my views on life. I worry about the paths I will take. I wonder if those paths will lead me in other directions or just loop me around, unsatisfied and searching? I hope for a destination. A place to relax, forget time and worries. A place to grow old gracefully. I picture it by the ocean, small yet charming. A wooded yard with a garden of lavender. An old couple working side by side. Like they had for a lifetime. Content with just being together. This is my dream. My hope. I suppose it's not every ones dream though. I'd be naive to think so.
With fall coming and going, I stare at my bare apple tree. Twisted and distorted from years of weather. I like to base time off this tree. I watch out my windows and see it change. I like to think it watches me back..... Anyway, every year I watch the leaves sprout and the apples grow. Then when ready, the apples fall to the ground. Sometimes directly beneath where they grew. Some roll a bit, and others embed themselves in the soil, safe and cushioned. Enjoying the protection from the tree. Then the weather begins to change, and the leaves with it. I see the leaves hang in sadness for they know whats coming. They stay as long as they can, then catch wind and fly away. Never to stay close to the tree. The leaves are so different from the apples. Even different from the tree. Yet they are all somehow the same, a part of one another. I feel the same way about my family. I've come to some recent conclusions in my metaphorical thinking, and I don't think I want to curse my branches anymore, or my apples. They are different and I cannot change them. I would rather see them from a distance and admire them for their own unique beauty. I can change that part of my nature. I can love what I don't understand.
This holiday I will smile in acceptance. Because that is what I am celebrating this year. I've excepted my family and my world for exactly what they are. Mine ♥

Calm after the storm

I like to think of my moods in seasons. Warm soft smiles in the sunshine of spring. Simmering sighs in the heat of the summer. Chills of laughter in the beauty of fall. Cold wet shivers in the frost of winter. I feed off the sun most of the year. Now that it's cold i find myself looking for inspiration in other means. Family is a big one right now. We just had a bustling thanksgiving, full of laughter, food, and hugs from long lost relatives. It was a joyous holiday, one to remember. But now that the food has been eaten and goodbyes have been said. I find myself feeling lost again. You know the phrase the calm before the storm? Well I'm stuck in the calm after the storm. It's quiet now, too quiet. I use to think all I ever wanted was to escape the dramas of family life, but now i find myself bored and lonely without it. I miss the sounds, the smells, and the warmth of people who love me around me. The feel of togetherness you get on the holidays. I want it all the time. Christmas couldn't come soon enough. I am full of spirit this year. I'm so thankful for my sweet family whether it be my friends or my love or even my neighbors. You are part of my spirit. You are inspiration to me. Love love!