well

Who well? How well? Do we actually know the people we say we know? I think about this often as i gaze through profile sites. Reading through people I know and used to know, or at least i thought i did. I like to picture people, like they are holding up a picture frame in front of their faces. A muscled canvas of sorts to display just what they would like for the world to see. How did they become that picture they are today. Will they ever show you the imperfections that once where, the hidden things that can easily go unsaid? I ponder these things as i watch my loved ones laugh and tell story's. Only showing you you a glimpse of themselves, a mere smudge in their painting, and a part of me feels saddened that I might not know them at all. Why don't I? Is it a fear of asking questions, or just never the right time to really talk.
I find myself feeling lucky that i have been given the chance to really know someone right now, that i have felt the closeness and trust in someone knowing me that well. I am able to still feel like i can say i know my sons, and i feel relieved that I can acknowledge that this might be a temporary thing. No matter how hard i try to fight it, someday i might not know them at least not like i know them now. They will get to point in their lives when they will put up the frame and and that will be all i see. Its not a cheery thought but its real.
Like most parents I will ramble my ramblings and no matter how hypocritical they might be I hold my frame in front of my face. Only showing my boys, whom i love so much, the picture of what i want them to remember me by. I know my canvas must seem rather impressionistic. A mess of colors and emotions that from a distance seem to make up a pretty picture. But up close it is a chaotic spill that hold no real pattern or destiny. Hiding all those deep imperfections and smudges i have made along the way. I wonder what my painting looks like through their eyes. If they even see what i portray?
They say art is in the eye of the beholder, who ever "THEY" may be. Well as the beholder I will tell you what I see. I see my life to be fun. Full of spontaneity and fascination. Wide eyed and rich with love. True feelings that burst with color and show through in my painting. I want to be known to those who love me. Because nothing quite feels the same as being really known, someone has to genuinely love and have a great interest to take the time and find out who you are. Its a pretty big deal when you think about it. Not to be taken lightly and defiantly worth the time. So if anything comes of this i hope you this gave you a little more clarity on who i am. Or at least what I'm thinking. :) much love!