Spring reflection

Growing up I was, for lack of a better term a Tom boy. I always held my own with the boys in the neighborhood. Being the eldest gave me an advantage with the other kids. I had a fearless attitude and appetite for stirring up trouble. I was a parents nightmare for most of my preteen years. I held all the drama and feelings of a little girl with the strength and stubbornness of a boy. I'm sure i was no picnic for my family to deal with. But as all children do, I grew up and out of some of those behaviors. Now as I inch closer and closer to my 30th birthday I find myself reflecting on life. I find comfort in picking apart details of my childhood. Putting them into perspective on why I am the way I am.
As a mother of a soon to be 11 year old, I can't help but feel remorse for what my mother has dealt with. I forgot about those two or three years when everything that came out of my mouth was in whine form. I am living this right now. My son it a prime example of a prepubescent mess. He is whiny, hungry, moody, tired, and down right just impossible right now. I can seem to do anything right for him and it is so frustrating. As a grown up drama queen you would figure I would know how to deal with a little boy drama. But alas it is a classic case of the blind leading the blind. I'm hoping we can just ride it out, and when puberty is over he will be the sweet fun loving kid I know so well. I have to keep hope. I can't let myself think, that this might just go on for the next 8 years.

It is a very selfless job being a mother, you put all of your heart into your children. No one asks you to love them, or tells you how to. It just happens and it never stops. Sometimes it hurts and sometimes it can over whelm you. But it will always be there, deep down when my memories fade, I will always know this love. Regina Spektor has lyric that makes me think of my kids, it goes like this:
"This is how it works, you peer inside yourself, you take the things you like, and try to love the things you took, and then you take that love you make, and stick into some. someone elses heart pumping someone elses blood, and walking arm and arm, you hope it down get harmed, but even if it does you'll just do it all again."

I am so blessed to have what I have, 2 amazing boys and a perfect best/boyfriend. So as the weather warms and my heart swells I am thankful for what is mine. Even if my life is full of drama, bumps and bruises. It is my adventure and as the original dramatic, tough girl i grew up as, I will smile and push on. Much love and sunshine, happy spring friends.