A smidge of hope

   March has been an adventure of a month for me this year. I'm out to change all of the things I disliked about myself. It was a lengthy list if you get my drift. So i begun with my mind and worked my way to my body. I've always felt a little lost in my own head. As if my thoughts process wasn't a process at all, instead it played a lot of hopscotch. I needed to find a goal for my thoughts. Something to work toward.
   While on my quest for inner peace, I found myself judging my relationships. I was determining what they were giving me and what i gave in return. Little did i know I was sure to find heartbreak. See some of the people in my inner circle were not quite what I needed them to be, and same goes for what I was giving them. I had hopes for these relationship but not heart. It's hard to be a genuine friend when you are hoping that friend will change. I gave many a chances and ended up feeling bad A LOT! So part of my new process was to be honest. Really honest about everything. I know I hurt feelings but it was I needed to do to settle my restless mind. That honesty got me changing rapidly.
    My next bout of change was something a little more difficult. It required work! I use to be a very athletic girl in my younger years, but after domestication I was heavy. I wanted my body to feel like my head. It needed a goal too. So i begun my training to become a runner, and who would have thought  that I would love it so much. I've recently ran my farthest distance yet, 5 miles! It was a proud moment for me. I've never felt so strong, so under control, and so motivated.
   As this month comes to and end i find myself smiling a lot. I feel as if my body and mind are finally on the same track. I'm a calmer person now and it's all due to a smidge of hope. I hoped i could change, and I've gotten myself far in the little month of march. I can't wait to see what I can accomplish now. The world is at my feet, and I'm running forward as fast as I can!

A birthday

Today is a soft spot on my patchwork heart. It's the birthday of a great love, Dennis. It's always been my style to get over my past as soon as possible, but I'm finding myself taking comfort in remembrance now a days. See Dennis died 8 years ago in the spring, so with the growth of everything around me my heart is always heavy this time of year. He was such a great guy, a great husband. He had a smile that you couldn't help but smile back at. He was a joyous person and had a way of making you feel adored. I love him dearly and always will. He taught me so much about myself. He taught me to grow up, and become a strong woman, Without him. It was what I needed in order to raise my boys, his boy. I spent a long time regretting some of the decisions I had made in those times. I like to think he would understand and be proud of who I've become. So this year on his Birthday I'm making a mens. I am going to stop regretting and enjoy my memories of him. He is part of me and worth celebrating.  Happy Birthday Babe!

Run!

I have been..and I'm liking it. Whats not to like? Besides: side-aches, sweatiness, and breathlessness. But I'm liking: the wind in my face, the sounds of the woods, and the air in my lungs! Nature is calling and I want to run to her :)