Cold coma

To breathe. It is an amazing thing isnt it? So refreshing and easy, not really something you think about. more like something you just do right? wrong.
This past week was pretty much a blur. I remember thursday when i started feeling a we bit sniffly, but as for the weekend, what weekend?
I've always considered myself a healthy person, ok maybe not super healthy per say, but I'm conscious of my health. We try to eat organic and avoid red meats and pork. The kids take vitamins and a fruit or veggie must be consumed at every meal. We have made it pretty routine and its something i am proud of. I would love to see my boys grow into healthy men without ever having to deal with weight issues or health problems. Having being raised in a hamburger and kool aid generation we now know error of our parents ways.
We live in a pretty small town. There is one grade school and both of my boys go there. The school is amazing, full of culture and life, we just love it. The teachers are great and we just love the principal. But in my little town are a lot of parents that don't put the time into their kids the way they deserve. Kids that get sent to school sick, kids with low immunity's, that no matter how healthy you are, contagious is contagious. So occasionally we get sick. The boys (being 3 times as healthy as i am) will bring home a cough or maybe a little runny nose. Sometimes its the mother of all head colds that knocks you off your feet. That is what i received last Thursday. Have you ever had a cold so bad you actually lost time. A week of my life has disappeared, and i'm glad i don't remember it. It was one of those colds that your day consists of one thing, waiting to go back to sleep. Waking up just to pass back out. Feeling so awful you start to realize why people back in the day use to die from illnesses like these. Along with the head cold i got to experience a blocked tear duct as well. If you have never had one these I'll explain. Think of your tear duct as a valve, if something gets stuck in the valve it will stay open. Open to release tears constantly. You have no idea how terrible it was to cry out of only one eye for 4 whole days. Now it looks like i got punched in the eye. I'm not usually one of those people to talk about my ailments, but this was not your average sick. It was a coma, can't function,world standing still, moms out of commission, sick. A sickness worth blogging about. Its been a week since this arrived and I'm just starting to taste again. I'm hoping this is worst i'll see this year. It feels good to breathe again. Just one of those things, don't know what you got till its gone.

P.s. Eat your fruits and veggies!

Earth day

Today is earth day, and i am troubled by the lack of celebration. I woke up this morning not even realizing that today is earth day. I think this is a problem. This should be a much bigger deal. How many planets do you call home? Just the one? Thats what i thought. So why is it that we celebrate all other holidays with such spender. Are we really that selfish that we forget what is right under our feet, that earth you walk on everyday, the planet you take for granted. I have spent most of my life pondering religion, contemplating the balance of tradition and modern day life. I have come to the conclusion that today should be the biggest of holidays. Bigger than Christmas, bigger than 4th of july. Where is my earth day parade? Why is the anticipation of this holiday not blared across airwaves? This is something real, something you can reach right out and touch. We are given so much from the earth without even thinking about it. We snatch what we want like a child with greedy hands. I will not be that child. I am a loving daughter to my mother earth and i am changing my traditions right now! I have always recycled but i need much more than this. Next year on this day it will be celebrated. I will throw a party and bake a cake and invite my loved ones to celebrate this earth with me. There will be laughter and food and then we will take a walk and maybe even pick up garbage around our neighborhoods. Creating my own traditions that might actually make a difference. Hopefully I can open my children's eyes just a little wider to the world that surrounds them. Our planet deserves this. Lets deserve her back. Do something great today, even if it just means recycling. Even the smallest good is still good. Take care of yourself and take care of our mother. She has giving us life and is still giving. Lets give back. Please?

Ello you!

Ello you!
I like the British version better. Ell-O vs. Hell-O I think it sounds sweeter somehow. Maybe its just me. Anyhow the point of this was not ello. It is this amazing little crane fly (also known as a skeeter eater) that i met today. It was misty this morning and i was out and about with my camera and there in my flower was a perfectly poised crane fly. I looked at him, he looked at me, I like to think we had an understanding of some sort. So there he stayed out of the wind and safe on my porch, safe as long as he poses for me. We made a deal.

The mom sweep

Sweeping: sweep·ing

adj.

1. Having wide-ranging influence or effect: sweeping changes.

2. Moving in or as if in a wide curve: a sweeping gesture; a sweeping glance.

3. Indiscriminate; wholesale: sweeping generalizations.

4. Overwhelming; complete: a sweeping victory.

n.

1. The action of one that sweeps.

2. sweepings Things swept up; refuse.

This is the correct definition of the word sweeping. Its good, I like it. My definition is a tad bit different, yet wonderfully the same. I am a mother of two children, boys to be specific. I am also a partner to a wonderful man. A tree man to be more specific. So things happen to get messy, dirty, or even destroyed on more than one occasion. My job details as a stay at home mom include alot of day to day activity's but none of which i do so often. I mom sweep. Let me explain to you what a mom sweep is. I normally begin at one end of the house. I scope the floor, and I am sure if you clean at all this is something that just comes natural. All the little things left behind from a run by playing or a toss of something that just missed your brother. Things scattered about carelessly just waiting to drive themselves into the heel of your foot. No one ever left it there, the tiny yellow Lego embedded in my foot just grew like a little Lego mushroom right out of the CARPET!! This is why i sweep, for my own safety. I make my way through every room just picking things up. I have to, if i didn't the floor would disappear, more things would just grow, larger things like star wars ships, and piles of markers with papers all over. Socks are a biggie, all three boys are guilty of this one. I have found them in plants, on top of curtains, in the recycling, tucked in cushions even zipped inside throw pillows. This I have heard is a man trait, my mother claims my brothers did this as well. It boggles me. I will never fully understand these boys, no matter how long i stare, and wonder why they do the things they do. I am a clean person, I can't help it. My mother is clean and her mother was clean. I appreciate a cleanly safe environment ( to sound a little less neurotic). So going on my tenth year of motherhood. Yes i said tenth :D... I think i have mastered the art of the mom sweep. It is a peculiar thing to be a solitary female in a home full of men. One might feel out numbered from time to time. No not me, not right now. I feel empowered. I am the sweeper.

Rain woman

The great northwest... I love how they call it great, It is great! One great thing about it is the rain. I know rain is not a common greatness in other peoples worlds, but it is in mine. Growing up here I have seen all different types of rain. My favorite kind of rain is spring rain. The kind that comes out of no where and drops big juicy droplets, soaking everything in sight. Sometimes when the sun is still shining it gives the world a beautiful glossy sparkle. I love that rain. I love sparkles :) My other favorite type of rain isn't really considered rain. Misty rain, teeny tiny floating drops of water. The kind you can see sun rays and wind gusts through. It makes my back yard look like a fairytale. I can spend all day looking out the window smiling like a fool when its like that. My neighbors probably think I'm nuts.
Alas with the good comes the bad. Like the bad kind of rain, that covers up my day like a dark blanket and stays for weeks. Makes me feel like I'm stuck under a rock. Years here have made me hate this kind of rain. Winters are by far the worst though. Sheets of rain that sting your face. The kind that blow up and sideways and then crazy hail covering the grass like snow. Weather that makes my back yard look like some sort of tv reality challenge. Who ever makes it to the fence without drowning or loosing consciousness wins $100.000. I don't like it one bit! But i stay here in my great northwest. Waking everyday inspired. Loving that i'm just a minute from a beach or the mountains or even a little rain :) Washington is home, It will always hold a big piece of my mossy heart. But back to my point, spring is here and i couldn't be happier. I could use a little light in my life. Happy spring!

Endless drives with pot holes of emotion

This past month I think I have had an eye opening experience. Someone very close to me has fallen on hard times and I am trying my best to be helpful, loving and supportive. I have never had an urge to harm myself or others around me, yet there have been times I can almost see myself in those shoes. It has been one of the hardest things i have ever dealt with or not deal with. Just the feeling of loving someone so much, and knowing that they have so much to live for, but you can't do a thing about it.... Just love. I have been seeing a part of me that have not seen since my boys were babies, a very nurturing part of me. A feeling i haven't felt in a long time. I just want to take care of him. I want him to be ok. I want him happy. So i have been driving a lot lately. Checking up and checking in. I have never craved information on anyone like i do now. During these countless hours in the car i have been getting lost in my head. I've been contemplating love and the bond that grows. A bond so strong that even though you are slowly torturing each other you still hold tight. The love you feel for a child, when even a day away can make you feel hollow inside like your heart is missing from your chest. I have felt like this. So i know what its like. Love can make you crazy, but how long can you take crazy?

I think I have experienced a lot in my short life. I have given life to two wonderful children. I have married, loved and seen life diminish right in front of my eyes. I have seen death closer than anyone should have to. Yet i can still look to the sky and feel warmth from the sun. I can still love with my whole heart. I can still have hope for a full and whole life. I have put my life into perspective and made it my own. and I did all this with the help from my family and friends. I know there is strength inside us that we only use when we really need to. I feel like i want to hold up a mirror in front of your face and yell and fight and cry and make you see that you are so much more than just the reflection you see. There is a life inside you that is just waiting to live, a life i want to be part of. Through out my life as long as i can remember I've been a big sister, but i don't think i ever really took that title seriously, I do now. I hope i have an effect, or can just be a glimmer of hope. Not all who wander are lost.

The words to this song make my heart feel better.

Hope for the hopeless
A fine frenzy

stitch in your knitted brow
and you don't know how
you're gonna get it out
crushed under heavy chest
trying to catch your breath
but it always beats you by a step,
all right now

making the best of it
playing the cards you get
you're not alone in this

there's hope for the hopeless
hope for the hopeless
there's hope

cold in a summer breeze
yeah, you're shivering
on your bended knee
still, though your heart is sore
and the heavens pour
like a willow bending with the storm,
you'll make it

running against the wind
playing the cards you get
something is bound to give

there's hope for the hopeless
hope for the hopeless
there's hope

there's hope for the hopeless
hope for the hopeless
there's hope