Endless drives with pot holes of emotion

This past month I think I have had an eye opening experience. Someone very close to me has fallen on hard times and I am trying my best to be helpful, loving and supportive. I have never had an urge to harm myself or others around me, yet there have been times I can almost see myself in those shoes. It has been one of the hardest things i have ever dealt with or not deal with. Just the feeling of loving someone so much, and knowing that they have so much to live for, but you can't do a thing about it.... Just love. I have been seeing a part of me that have not seen since my boys were babies, a very nurturing part of me. A feeling i haven't felt in a long time. I just want to take care of him. I want him to be ok. I want him happy. So i have been driving a lot lately. Checking up and checking in. I have never craved information on anyone like i do now. During these countless hours in the car i have been getting lost in my head. I've been contemplating love and the bond that grows. A bond so strong that even though you are slowly torturing each other you still hold tight. The love you feel for a child, when even a day away can make you feel hollow inside like your heart is missing from your chest. I have felt like this. So i know what its like. Love can make you crazy, but how long can you take crazy?

I think I have experienced a lot in my short life. I have given life to two wonderful children. I have married, loved and seen life diminish right in front of my eyes. I have seen death closer than anyone should have to. Yet i can still look to the sky and feel warmth from the sun. I can still love with my whole heart. I can still have hope for a full and whole life. I have put my life into perspective and made it my own. and I did all this with the help from my family and friends. I know there is strength inside us that we only use when we really need to. I feel like i want to hold up a mirror in front of your face and yell and fight and cry and make you see that you are so much more than just the reflection you see. There is a life inside you that is just waiting to live, a life i want to be part of. Through out my life as long as i can remember I've been a big sister, but i don't think i ever really took that title seriously, I do now. I hope i have an effect, or can just be a glimmer of hope. Not all who wander are lost.

The words to this song make my heart feel better.

Hope for the hopeless
A fine frenzy

stitch in your knitted brow
and you don't know how
you're gonna get it out
crushed under heavy chest
trying to catch your breath
but it always beats you by a step,
all right now

making the best of it
playing the cards you get
you're not alone in this

there's hope for the hopeless
hope for the hopeless
there's hope

cold in a summer breeze
yeah, you're shivering
on your bended knee
still, though your heart is sore
and the heavens pour
like a willow bending with the storm,
you'll make it

running against the wind
playing the cards you get
something is bound to give

there's hope for the hopeless
hope for the hopeless
there's hope

there's hope for the hopeless
hope for the hopeless
there's hope